In a previous article I talked about how relationship problems can be caused by triangles and boundaries from other peoples influence on a couple. Here I just want to give a quick example of how child behavior problems can affect a relationship:

Case example

David, aged 6, is a lively and intelligent boy, who is quite jealous of the attention his mother (Jennie, 25) gives to his younger brother Mark (3). His father, John (26), is out much of the time, and Jennie is the main carer for the boys.

On shopping trips, David continually embarrasses Jennie by having tantrums, especially when she does not give him the sweets or toys he wants.

In therapy Jennie would be encouraged to give David a lot of attention when he is being ‘good’, with a constant program of keeping him interested and amused, for example by making a game out of his helping her with the shopping. If, however, he has a tantrum, she would be encouraged to ignore him, however embarrassing it is, perhaps explaining to curious bystanders that this is an important part of his learning experience.

This way, he realizes that there is no reward for tantrums, and will soon begin to cooperate with Jennie. It would be even more effective if John can go on some of the shopping trips and if both parents share in the management of the two boys. John should also back Jennie up in keeping David interested in the shopping or other activity while ignoring the tantrums.

The prediction is that David will also feel more secure in the new family atmosphere, in which he is a valued collaborator rather then an uncontrolled rebel.