Relationship Counseling: Setting Up A Talk Session
All relationship counseling is about getting the two people in the relationship to talk to each other and start to try to understand each others feeling more. The problem that any relationship counseling advisor will tell you is that getting those two people in the same room for more than a few minutes and remaining calm throughout is the difficult part.
If you’re experiencing relationship problems of your own, here’s a few tips you can try yourself at home, with your partner, before you consider looking for qualified (and potentially expensive) relationship counseling services.
Plan a time when you are not likely to be disturbed. You will need maybe ten minutes if this is your first talk session, but it would be better to leave a bit of leeway after the session.
Turn off any music, radio or television, and put the phone on ‘answer’.
Set a kitchen timer, alarm or stopwatch for ten minutes from the start (or two five-minute periods to give you a changeover time).
When starting your relationship counseling at home, you should both come with a written agenda for one or two things you would like to talk about.
Try to have an agreement that you will not say hurtful things during the ten minutes.
Divide the time equally between you.
Decide who will start with their agenda items.
Switch over to the other person after five minutes.
If arguments begin, you could try to end by ‘agreeing to differ’ at the ten minute deadline, or if they are getting out of hand, you could just stop the session and plan to meet at another time.
In later sessions you could use communication training or negotiation as the main agenda.
In your later “in home” relationship counseling sessions you could extend the time, if you both agree that it is safe to do so, up to 20 minutes at the most.
This approach should be very helpful, and as you can see doesn’t involve any relationship counseling services – you can easily work through this plan of attack in the comfort of your own home.
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Filed under Counseling by on Jul 14th, 2009. Comment. 
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Comments on Relationship Counseling: Setting Up A Talk Session
Hi! Im dating a loving caring guy,he has a three year old child outside.The problem is the mother of his child was working far from them and now she is back.She sometimes calls him to discuss their child issues.what hurts me most is he sometimes switch his phone off for no reason and says the battery was low.Im i wrong to suspect that when his phone is off it might be that his with the mother of his child.We fight a lot about his phone being off.Please help me, I LOVE him very much i dont want to lose him.What can i do to solve this?
Hey there!
You are not wrong for having those feelings. A lot of people in relationships especially relativley new ones are still trying to learn every aspect of the person they are dating so its natural to wonder these things, especially if they have had a child together.
You do have to realize that he is going to talk to the mother of his child for more than likely the rest of his life because they have a child together. That is going to be an important aspect of your relationship with him that you are going to have to “be okay” with. They may not “talk” alot but especially when the child is young they will need to discuss certain issues.
Now, I do have a question for you. How often is he “turning his phone off or having the battery die?”
Is it when you are around him or not around him?
Did this happen before the mother of his child came back to your area of town?
How long ago did your boyfriend and his ex breakup? Do you know why they did?
I think you also need to rely on your “gut” instincts. A women always can feel what the truth really is. Email me back at my website and I can help you out further.
His phone is of when im not around him and it happened before the mother of her child came back.They broke up last year around August,because he didn’t want her to go and work away from them.They were communicating then they stoped communicating.It happened again that he avoided me two weeks ago after that i tried to talk to him but he didn’t go much into details.He sad his ex called and demand that they should work things out because they didn’t break up it was just a distance relationship.And he don’t want to talk about it,he says he don’t want to hurt me and most of all he don’t want to lose me and his child.This whole thing is confusing me i don’t know what to do or say.Or maybe he didn’t be honest with me from the start,i just don’t know.
My wife and I have been married 23 yrs, together for 27. This is as 2nd marriage for both. We’ve had our ups and downs over the years. But this year for Xmas she kept hinting that she needed a necklace which would be for the purpose of holding her diamond pendant,that diamond was given to by her 1st husband who committed suicide. At first I was reluctant to buy THIS for that purpose b/c if the necklace or clasp should ever break I would feel responsible for the loss of the pendant. But the more I thought about it the more I realized this was something her 1st husband gave her. When ever I notice she’s wearing I know “I did not give it to her” It doesn’t give a warm fussy feeling to know she coverts this jewelery so much. So I bought her a $100 pair of ear rings and told her I didn’t feel right about buying her a gift she was going to use on jewelery someone else had purchased for her and feel free to return the ear rings for a necklace. Never once 27 years have I ever mentioned anything about her frequent wearing of the jewelery(2 pieces). She’s angry and hurt. Am I way off track here???Any comments would be reciated
hello, I have been dating a great guy i have known him for about ten years and we have been dating for the last wo years. In june of 2010 I cheated on him, and we broke up because of it. We decided after about two weeks that we still loved eachother and wanted to be together. And now in December of 2010 he asks me if I am cheating again I said no which is the truth, and then he told me that he still hasn’t had time to really process what happened and wants to take a step back in the relationship, and try to rediscover what we once were, which is fine. But…. I want to tell him if you want to be with me then you have to accept it on some level in order to be with me and if you can’t then why bother. I just really don’t know what to do I am so confused, mostly about the step back, bacause I don’t know what that means to him, or to myself really, please help
Here’s a question. My husband and I have been separated for over 2 years, we have 2 children and he comes to see them every weekend. Within the past few months, we have been talking about trying to work things out. My problem:
Just recently, he reconnected with his ex-fiance’. I don’t like it. Here’s why…
When he and I were dating, he would say things like “an ex is an ex for a reason.” I was given the 3rd degree about staying in touch with an ex boyfriend who was living on the other side of the US. I had no intention of getting back together with this person, we still had a friendship. But for my husband(boyfriend at the time), I broke all ties with him. Now, he’s constantly talking to his ex, she calls him, texts him, and comments on every little thing on a website. He said he’s secure that he won’t go back to her and I need to get over it. However, he points out to me that she lives nearby, is single, and has all the free time in the world if he would ever want to “hang out”. She tells him that she messed up and can’t figure out why she let him go. Now they talk all the time, re-living their past and I’m supposed to be OK with it all. Like I said, we’re trying to resolve our own problems and he sees nothing wrong with this. I basically wasn’t allowed to talk to my ex(s) but the double standard is there.
How am I supposed to deal with this? He blames me for all of it so of course he doesn’t do any wrongdoing. How can I get him to realize that he’s just hurting me and our relationship? I’ve tried to suggest counseling and he said that I need it because he’s done everything he’s supposed to do so it would be a waste of his time.
Been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now and now we have started talk of moving out.
I would live living with, but am scared. He is a bit of a mommys boy. His mother and sister pretty much baby him and dont leave much responsibilty on him. He is the one really pushing for us moving out, but I dont know what to do about this. Im scared that I will have to be the one tsking care of it all, and him still relying on his mother and sister