Introduction To My Relationship Advice Blog
Relationship advice is probably one of the fastest growing trends of our social communities today. It seems like we are forever encountering all sorts of problems in our relationships, due at least partly to the hectic and stressful lifestyles we live.
So before I get into details about specific relationship problems and their solutions, I’d thought I’d quickly cover some background to how our relationships are structured today, with the intention that a little background knowledge can make a lot of difference in resolving conflicts.
Couple relationships today
Couple relationships today are in a state of flux, with an increasing divorce rate and an increase in both single-parent families and blended families, and it is not at all clear how the situation will change over time. I do believe, however, that there will always be a need for couple relationships, because they provide stability and comfort for those who are involved in them, and they are the best way we know of providing a secure setting for raising children.
The wide variety of relationships
The variety of relationships today is much wider than would have been thought acceptable 50 years ago. Today we see married couples, couples living together and often having children without being married, and also couples who have a steady sexual relationship but choose not to live together.
With the increasing divorce rate comes a large number of people who get married but then change their partners through divorce (some people call this serial monogamy). As a result of this, and because many women have also decided to have children without living with the father, many children now live in one-parent households. Blended families, where there is a step-parent sharing the care of the partner’s children, are also very common.
Same-sex relationships
Gay and lesbian relationships are now respected in a way that would have been impossible in the past. They are no longer against the law in most of Europe, and are also legal in many states of the USA. There is also the occurrence of same-sex marriages, and it is now also more common for same-sex couples to bring up children. In this context I should say that, although most of the case examples on this site are of heterosexual couples, and the exercises and cases are orientated to this type of relationship, I hope that it may be relevant to same-sex couples as well, in that the kinds of problems encountered by them are basically very similar to those encountered by heterosexual couples, and may be susceptible to similar solutions.
The pressures on couple relationships
The rising divorce rate
The pressures on marital and long-term cohabiting relationships have greatly increased in recent times. In fact, the number of couples getting married, including second marriages, has been decreasing year on year since 1996, while the number of divorces continues to increase (it involved 39% of married couples in 1996 and is now approaching 50%). It has become much easier to obtain a divorce, and the greater economic independence of women has made it easier for them to continue their lives as single parents after the breakup of their marriage or cohabitation.
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Comments on Introduction To My Relationship Advice Blog
My guy and I have been together for 3 years of that 3 he has been separated for 2 of the years and divorced for 1(they were split for about 6 months before I met him). They were in several business ventures together so they did not file for divorce until the ventures were settled. Yes, they are business partners. Yes, she knows about me and we are cordial with each other. They have a 10 year old daughter and the daughter adores me as I her. When its my guys turn to have his daughter, he picks her up and the first thing she wants to do is to come to my house and stay over so they do. My guy and I do not sleep together when his daughter is around. Business started getting bad and my guy started getting into real financial binds. I don’t have money, but I helped him out best I could (cooking for him to make sure he ate and occasionally giving him household stuff…i.e. if I got a 12 pack of paper towels or TP I would give him some from the pak. I must say, he has never asked me for anything. I even offered that he could give up his apartment and move in with me if he wanted to. He said no because he did not want to jeopardize our relationship and he had to maintain his independence.
Well, it started getting so bad for him….all the way around that his financials got worse (business and personal)…his ex-wife approached him and said that her mom (his ex-mom in-law) was more than willing to help him out – a loan….she’s loaded! First couple of times he said no and scraped it up elsewhere. Then he finally had to “borrow” from her. The ex mom-in-law is also responsible for her deceased daughter’s 2 kids – girl 12, boy 14. The boy is very rebellious and gets into trouble a lot. He has run away a couple of times. Well then the ex-wife and the ex-mom in law started calling my guy, all stressed out…they cant do anything with the boy. In the mean time my guys daughter starts having trouble in school….academic not behavioral. Now my guy is being pulled back into that situation in order to help out with the nephew and with his own daughter.
They were going to send the boy to live with another grandfather in another city so the ex mom-in law says to my guy, “if you go with me to take him, you wont have to pay back the money that you owe me”. Now get this, my guy is considering it. Here is another one, his daughter is off –track so she is out of school for a month. The ex wife tells him that they (the 2 of them) need to spend more time with the daughter as a family before she goes back to school. She has some business deals in the works so if they go through she will have the money. They want to take the daughter to Disneyland – Los Angeles area. (We all live in Northern California). He does not see anything wrong with it. I could not believe what I was hearing. He did not understand and said that I was being emotional when I said to him, “how do you think that makes me feel?’ “not to mention the mixed message and false hope that they are sending to the daughter that her parents are still together or are getting back together”. He says to me that he loves me, that he and his ex are not getting back together and that his daughter knows that it wont happen.
What should I do? I know he loves me and I love him. My concern is, is this the start of an agenda that the ex and her mom are putting together? What comes after this? What’s next?
Should I let it ride or should I just walk away now?
Am I being unreasonable?
Desperately Seeking Advice!