One of the enduring problems arising from relationship breakups is the effects of divorce on children. As I mentioned earlier, they are disadvantaged both in education and psychologically by divorce, but there are also more specific problems encountered as they go through the split-up of their parents. These problems differ according to the age of the children at the time of the split.

Very young children (under four years old) find it difficult to understand the motives of other people, and often assume that it is their fault if Mummy or Daddy has gone away.

Up to the age of seven they still find the changes hard to understand, but may be able to empathize with one parent at a time, and can enjoy the time they spend with both.

From seven to nine there is an increasing ability to comprehend mixed feelings, and to accept the changes in their family life.

The effects of divorce on children in late childhood (age nine to thirteen) they may express clear preferences between parents, but not want to hurt the rejected parent.

In adolescence they may begin to take sides more openly, but may also try to be the peacemaker. Boys are more likely to show problem behavior, while girls are more likely to become depressed.

At any age, the children may show increased difficulties in behavior. These are usually more severe if there is conflict between the parents, and often predate the divorce. The worst scenario for the children is when there is severe conflict between the parents before and after the divorce. In the process the children are asked to take sides by one or both parents, and they may even be used as pawns in the power struggle that is going on. The best that a parental couple who are splitting can do is to work together as far as possible to minimize effects of divorce on children and to maintain their children’s peace of mind.